my eyes will close forever

After reading Cassie’s blog, I having the same feeling right now like her as well, but what to do, I always hiding in a mask, pretend that nothing happen. This morning, I had a weird dream, I dreamt of attending someone’s funeral. But it dint really disturb me. I called my mom a few hours later n realized that one of my grand aunt pass away a few days ago, and today is her funeral. I was deeply sadden by this, even thou im not close wit her, but there’s still a kind of connection between us. This reminds me of my grandma’s sister, committed suicide weeks before Chinese New Year, she jumped into the sea. My aunt told me she was ok and they had a chat a day before she died, but the next day, her neighbors found out, came and ask my aunt about her having her lights and house door open the whole night. They went and look 4 her and she’s not there until some islander found her body near the river shore, I cant believed that it was her. She’s been living by herself and a frequent traveler to the mainland and other states to visit her children how can an active and lovely women commit suicide…. My parents were in Singapore at that time and I was responsible to attend her funeral. At her funeral, I stand beside her coffin and I had a final look of her, I can’t hold back my tears when I look at her face, I had a feeling that I don’t know how 2 explain. I wish that I know her well.

later in the evening, I had dinner at my friends place and help to make coconut egg spread (kaya), the process of making that, recalls my childhood memory with my grandmother. I used to make kaya wit her and other work with her as well when she stayed wit my family years ago. Now she’s back with us, and I had this feeling that I should spent some time wit her. I decided to go back to Malaysia this 1 week mid semester break and since there’s no plan for me during the holiday. my grandaunt incident made me more appreciate the life of my close one.

What I learn from death is that everyone has to face it, no matter of how a person thinks about it we still have to go thru that stage of life. Is the mater of how we see it so that we can appreciate our life and others more. Treat our close one well, family, relatives and friends, enjoy every single moment wit them, try to forgive and forget and compromise each other.…. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me tomorrow, maybe u still can see me talking to u or maybe it's the last time you are talking to me before my eyes closes forever……

lost in touch for soo long

her latest photo from japan, SGI headquater in Shinanomachi

After I came back Perth 2 months ago, I realized that my Jap sister, Tae Sakamoto went back to Japan, a few days before I arrived. She just informed a few people about it, she had no choice but to leave as soon as possible because of her visa was about to expire. Been asking for her contacts from other ppl but no one got it. But a few days ago I saw her email address on a forwarded mail, so I gave a try to mail her… n 2 day she email me back and im so happy about it….

europe...

23 November 2004

A day before my flight to London, I was busy with my travel documents as well as catching up with family and friends. Hardy sleep for the two nights in Malaysia and before that back in Australia, I stayed up to study for my test, it was like 4-5 days in a row, just 4-6 hours of sleeping. Well, maybe to excited to travel alone to Europe but I was quite worried about the immigration in UK. Immigration is very strict, they might send anyone back straight away if they suspect a traveler going in to work illegally or planning to stay longer, especially Asian. So, I could be one of them if I didn’t show or give reasons why I’m entering UK and proof that I’m entering for visiting purposes. Here are some tips that I learned from my mom’s friends, a travel agent and UK PR, to proof that u are going for visiting…. u need to bring CASH CASH and more CASH + credit card ... to show that u are spending or holiday’ing…huh?? Student card or enrolment advice for students and the most important thing, the way we dress, have 2 be proper and smart looking+ polite… I was like… wart da …!!!! Do we need all these to enter UK??? What if some visitor having a bad hair day? ...That night, I collected a bag which weighting about 10-15kg full with Malaysian product from Cassandra’s parents to bring over. Her parents prayed for my safety and offer me a lot of instant cereal drink to bring over. I appreciate that a lot. For me I will not fail to offer and help others, I always believe that help will come back to me when I need.


__________Courtesy of Malaysia Airline ______________snowy mountain

On da 23rd, my brother took me to the airport, was a little bit late for check in… always late for that! It was my 1st time flying 2 the west and it took approximately 13 hours… not 2 bad after all… the worse is 16 hours to LA. Not many ppl on that fight, maybe 80 to 100. Love the view from above, from desert~y India to mountainous Afghanistan, huge snowy farm land to beautiful cities and military jets just beside u … Very interesting. Another interesting part is the beds of clouds when the plane flew closer to Western Europe, unbelievably thick… can’t see thru and seriously looks like candy floss. Got off the plane and head to the immigration, an Indian lady custom calls me and some Malaysian… “Here here… come here!” Surprisingly, she starts to speak in Malay and Chinese… “lai lai… orang Malaysia? Masuk sini untuk imigrasi, sudah nulis borang? Wah… buay pai har.. never know that UK is very multicultural.. tot only ang moh working at immigration like aust. Quite a lot of Asians working as well.. got thru by asking me questions… where am i staying, where am I visiting, ask about my return tickets, n bla bla bla…., went thru, there’s a huge high platform behind, where 5-6 stern officials looking for the unlucky 1 to send back. Finally I came to the waiting hall, waiting for jwei a friend of mine to pick me up.. waited quite a while, about 20 minutes, then I decided to give him a call.. he told me that he standing at the arrival gate for 30 minutes and dint see me walking out. Maybe he can’t recognize me wit my straighten hair………

133 days ago (part 2)

That Saturday afternoon was raining. On my journey back home from the airport, I received wings SMS from Australia, asking me about Malaysia's udara (air)… I replied...Smells fishy and bad compared to Perth’s air. While replying that SMS, I just realized that Im on my WAY home!!!! damm..I had enough of shit back in hell Perth and now Im heading home, voluntary join in my family problem. scared that something bad will happen to my family and I don’t really want to face it. I ask myself, should I go back straight home or some other place, stay in Msia longer or go back 2 Australia soon after my Europe holiday ends? I was confused and don’t know what to do. No 1 can help me, if I tell ppl about it , they will like... I don't know har.
Later my instinct told me that no matter how, I must try to help my family and not getting away from it. I waited to reach home anxiously. (damm driver, drive so slow n somemore taking a longer route). Reached home around 5, so happy to see my aunty standing at the balcony welcoming me home and 1 thing is that she stayed at my house to LOOK after my family... nothing happen, my parents are ok, everything seems to be normal... Im so relieved that everything is ok, its like releasing a huge stone in to the water. Anyway at that time I got 2 days 2 prepare for my Europe tour, really can’t wait 2 get there, hoped that I will forget every thing that I gone tru bak in Australia and in Malaysia and enjoy that trip...